Picard, Season 3: The Last Generation

Picard, Season 3
"The Last Generation"
Aired: April 20, 2023
30 of 30 produced
30 of 30 released

Introduction

The Enterprise flies into the Death Star to destroy the core of Star Trek.

 

Kaboom!

Picard, Season 3: "Võx"

Picard, Season 3
"Võx"
Aired: April 13, 2023
29 of 30 produced
29 of 30 released

Introduction

We finally learn the Big Dark Secret behind Jack Crusher's superpowers. Saddle up, lock and load -- it's really, really dumb.

 Dun dah daaah, dah dun dun dah DAAAAHHHH!!!!!

 

Picard, Season 3: Surrender

 Picard, Season 3
"Surrender"
Aired: April 6, 2023
28 of 30 produced
28 of 30 released

Introduction

We're still on the ship. We're still being held hostage by Vadic. We still don't find out the answers to the "compelling" mysteries of the season.

It just occurred to me, but this scene is quite reminiscent of "Menage A Troi..." an episode that had undergone a rehabilitation for me with the benefit of hindsight and comparison.

Picard, Season 3: Dominion

Picard, Season 3
"Dominion"
Aired: March 30, 2023
27 of 30 produced
27 of 30 released

Introduction

The bad guys board the USS Titan, and people pretend to have ethical debates. We learn a few drips of information about the antagonists. Somehow, despite the Big Event being mere hours away, it still find a way not to happen within the run time of this episode.

 Maybe no one has complete, coherent conversations because they simply can't see one another, or their scripts?

Picard, Season 3: The Bounty

Picard, Season 3
"The Bounty"
Aired: March 23, 2023
26 of 30 produced
26 of 30 released

Introduction

At long last every major TNG cast member who is not dead or Traveling the limitless dimensions of the cosmos receives screen time in the same episode. And we are left to question: why did it take six episodes?

 Star Trek Picard: A floating museum of references to things you actually like.

Picard, Season 3: Imposters

Picard, Season 3
"Imposters"
Aired: March 16, 2023
25 of 30 produced
25 of 30 released

Introduction

Starfleet sends an investigator to hash out who did what and who needs to be punished for the last four episodes. Meanwhile, Worf realizes that he murdered his only informant and needs to find another one, while Raffi does donuts in the parking lot with her aggressively spinning wheels.

 

They are really getting their money's worth out of this set.

 

Picard, Season 3: No Win Scenario

Picard, Season 3
"No Win Scenario"
Aired: March 9, 2023
24 of 30 produced
24 of 30 released

Introduction

After four hours of "s#$% or get off the pot" storytelling, Picard Season 3 decides in favor of the former and pinches off this loaf.

Pictured: the best lit scene in the season thus far.

Picard, Season 3: Seventeen Seconds

Picard, Season 3
"Seventeen Seconds"
Aired: March 2, 2023
22 of 30 produced
22 of 30 released

Introduction

Still stuck in the same spot as last episode, Picard Season 3 decides that trashing its characters will pass the time instead of advancing the plot.

 Pictured: What Star Trek will look like after Stewart and Frakes sign away their likeness rights.

Picard, Season 3: Disengage

 Picard, Season 3
"Disengage"
Aired: February 23, 2023
22 of 30 produced
22 of 30 released

Introduction

The Final Frontier gets a lot dumber and far more graphically violent.

 Timepieces used to contain a metal spring that slowly unwound.... SCOTT!!!!!

The Picard Season 2 Bitch Session

Against the advice and best efforts of those who care for me, I have finished Picard Season 2 in advance of the new incoming insult season in the next few weeks. I had previously been able to slog my way, over the course of several months, up to the beginning of episode 7. So I was already reasonably aware of the season's deficiencies as a story. On the one hand, it started faster than Season 1, in that the first two episodes introduced a fascist alternate universe that was actually reasonably interesting. Then, when they reached 2024, things bogged down and got both boring and infuriating very quickly.

The show is even more incomprehensible than the poster!

Should I Let My Kids Watch "Star Trek?"

Being a parent in the age of peak television/peak streaming has its positives and negatives. On the one hand, we are no longer beholden to a broadcast schedule, with a limited number of choices being shown only at particular times, which makes homework and after school activities more tricky to navigate. We can choose from hundreds of shows, tailoring our viewing to our preferences, and watch them at exactly the times that work for us!

The problem, then, is that very thing - choosing what to watch, and figuring out our preferences. What should my kids watch? What levels of action, violence, sexuality, and adult themes are appropriate? Should they watch "Star Trek?" 

 

To explore strange new worlds... to seek out new life and vaporize it in a
bloody cloud when it crosses you.

Top Ten WTF Moments in Star Trek: Picard Season 1

It should probably be apparent at this point that I did not like Star Trek: Picard. It manifestly disappointed me along just about every axis of Star Trek fandom that I possess. But in addition to being grotesquely violent and poorly written, it was also frequently just baffling. Here are my top ten (with some honorable mentions, because they just kept coming) WTF Moments from season one.


Honorable Mentions:

 Oh no! Acid Blood! Bet she didn't see that one coming!

Picard, Season 1: Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2

Picard, Season 1
"Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2"
Airdate: March 26, 2020
10 of 10 produced
10 of 10 aired

Introduction
A large space standoff occurs. A character dies and is resurrected in perhaps the single most predictable plot development possible. A bunch of characters we can't possibly care about express utterly baseless emotions about characters that we do.

Here it is, folks: the best part of the episode. Save yourself the other 50 minutes and go clean between the tiles in your shower or something.

Picard, Season 1: Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 1

Picard, Season 1
"Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 1"
Airdate: March 19, 2020
9 of 10 produced
9 of 10 aired

Introduction

Picard and crew reach the planet of the androids, with an armada of Romulan ships close behind them. The Big Secret to why everything else in this season is wrong is revealed, which necessitates a Big Decision by the androids and their supporters.

Agnes is about the break out her Signature Cry Face when an android performs a mind meld on her. Hey, I felt like crying, too.

Picard, Season 1: Broken Pieces

Picard, Season 1
"Broken Pieces"
Airdate: March 12, 2020
8 of 10 produced
8 of 10 aired

Introduction

Flashback scenes attempt to explain and make us care about the plot of the preceding seven episodes. Plus: More Murder!

"We are the Borg. We have assimilated horrendous UI design. Ergonomics are futile."

Picard, Season 1: Nepenthe

Picard, Season 1
"Nepenthe"
Airdate: March 5, 2020
7 of 10 produced
7 of 10 aired

Introduction

Picard decides to postpone the main plot yet again in order to visit some friends that he arbitrarily decided not to a few episodes ago.

Three characters we actually care about who are also not actively murdering, betraying, or lying to anyone. BORING!

Picard, Season 1: The Impossible Box

Picard, Season 1
"The Impossible Box"
Airdate: February 27, 2020
6 of 10 produced
6 of 10 aired

Introduction

Picard finally reaches the Borg Cube, while, with impeccable timing, Soji learns that her life is a lie.

This year's hottest gift - beautiful statuette and girlfriend irradiator! Only 19.99 space bucks!

Third Opinion: Picard, Season 1 - Stardust City Rag

Picard, Season 1
"Stardust City Rag"
Airdate: February 20, 2020
5 of 10 produced
5 of 10 aired

Introduction

Picard, Season 1: Stardust City Rag – A turning point for my opinion of this season. An additional opinion from Beth Calderon (Matthew's sister).

We're with you, Seven. Make it a double.

Picard, Season 1: Stardust City Rag

Picard, Season 1
"Stardust City Rag"
Airdate: February 20, 2020
5 of 10 produced
5 of 10 aired

Introduction

The latest episode of Picard wastes an entire hour killing two canon characters for no reason, delivering one piece of pertinent plot information (that we already knew), and SHOCK TWISTS one of the leads. Or, "another day another dollar" for Kurtzman-Trek.

"Ah em Pepe LePew! Please disregard ze gory murder you just witnessed and laugh along with ze hilariteee!"

Picard, Season 1: Absolute Candor

Picard, Season 1
"Absolute Candor"
Airdate: February 13, 2020
4 of 10 produced
4 of 10 aired

Introduction

Picard postpones his desperate mission for yet another interlude, this time on a Romulan colony planet, where he tries to convince a male Romulan Warrior Nun to join his quest.

I never liked children, you know. Except for psychotically violent ones. So you're OK, kid.